29 July 2008

The Story of Bennett's Birth according to Mom, part 1

{We thought in honor of Bennett's first birthday, we would document our emotions and thoughts about that day, which we haven't done until now. We tell this story because it reminds us where we have been and why Bennett's first birthday is particularly special to us today. This is Breck's story, told in 4 parts.}

One year ago today, I was sitting in the admissions office of Hillcrest Hospital. The young girl behind the desk seemed be taking forever to process my insurance information. My heart was beating rapidly - just as I wondered if the heartbeat of the baby inside me was beating at all.

I remember it was a Wednesday morning. Brian was in class, blissfully unaware that his wife had decided to check herself into the hospital concerned she might be experiencing a stillbirth.

I didn't want to believe it could be true. But the last time I could really remember feeling Bennett kick in the womb was days before.

In fact, I remember that last real kick. I was at an after-church lunch get together when a friend noticed me flinch (having been kicked by the 38 week old fetus) and wondered if I was in labor. I laughed knowing good and well I was not.

But within 24 hours of that kick, I was becoming aware that Bennett wasn't moving as much anymore. Eventually, it was no longer "as much" but "at all."

I wished I could hurry up the hospital admissions process. I just wanted to know - is it over? have I lost my baby? has my worst nighmare just arrived? But why be so impatient to find out this might be true? I carefully waited for this young girl to get through her paperwork. I realized she had no idea what kind of agony I was feeling inside.

I sat all alone in her office. I had tried to reach Brian by phone at least a dozen times but he did not answer. He had left for school hours before, kissing me on his way out. I had been wide awake all night and had fallen asleep on the couch only an hour or so before. I aroused to say goodbye but at that point, I didn't have the energy to tell him my deepest fears - or my plan to see the doctor in the morning. But now, I needed him to know.

I had called my parents. They were anxiously waiting for me to call them to let them know what was going on. Oliver was being watched by the babysitter who wanted to come keep me company. But the only person I wanted with me was Brian.

Finally, I was taken back to a small room in the Labor and Delivery ward. They took only a few minutes to hook me up to the monitors.

I heard it! The heart was beating! It was so unbelievable! I was about ready to jump up off the bed and walk out the door with joy! I was so excited that my fears were just that!

But they didn't want me to leave quite yet. The heart was beating but the doctor was concerned that the baby wasn't moving.

"See? See!, I thought. "I knew he wasn't moving!"

The doctor wanted to monitor me some more. But within a few minutes of looking at my chart and noticing I was already scheduled for an induction, she decided to make today Bennett's birthday.

I was thrilled. I was tired of being pregnant, tired of the worries that come with it. I was anxious to meet our second child.

I made another frantic call to Brian. Surely he wouldn't miss his son's birth, right?

Click Here To Read "The Story of Bennett's Birth According To Mom, Part 2"

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