10 July 2010

Breck's Thoughts: Dolphin Talk

If you came to visit our house these days, you'd hear alot of "dolphin talk."

Dolphin Talk is what I affectionately call the jabber, squeals and high-pitched noises that come from my boys, who like dolphins, use these noises to communicate with each other.

It is evident that they are talking to each other.  Bennett will often look at Oliver and make some strange high pitched noise.  Oliver will return the same noise and they will smile at each other.

It happened this morning when Oliver and I were in the nursery stripping Bennett's crib.  I had left Bennett with earshot on the living room floor.  Suddenly, I heard Bennett "make the call."  And within two seconds, Oliver (standing on a stool in Bennett's room) looked at me before calling out with mimic of Bennett's high pitched noise.  Then, Oliver, having obviously been beckoned, went straight to Bennett to play in the other room.

We hear these noises constantly.  Sometimes, we even say, "Oliver, can you make Bennett laugh" because he can.  And then Oliver will start the dolphin talk between them.

Today, while listening to this dolphin-like communication between the kids, I thought about what a special bond they have with each other, being brothers.

And then I thought about how I didn't originally want them to be brothers at all...

I wanted a daughter.  When my first child wasn't a daughter, I hoped for a daughter in my second child.

But God said no.

And I'm aware that God may never say yes to having a daughter.  I still struggle with this.

But I am also trying to embrace what God has said yes to...even if it wasn't what I had initially wanted.

Raising boys feels foreign to me.  While I have little brothers, I grew up closest to my sister.  I wasn't an athletic girl.  Rather, I loved baby dolls and babysitting.  Even now, I love girly things.  I have always dreamed of a daughter.

After embracing that Brian had his a boy in Oliver, I was really hoping for a daughter next.  In the room with the sonographer at 16 weeks, I didn't ask, "Is it a girl?!"...instead, I asked, half deflated and almost resigned, "is it a boy?"

But in these moments of dolphin talk, sharing of toy cars (even if that means Bennett eats them) and laughter between the boys, I am so humbled (and even ashamed of my selfishness).

I know God knows better.  But, sometimes, I do doubt His wisdom.  And, ultimately, His goodness.

In hindsight, I am SO incredibly thankful that both of my children are boys.  They are both so young but as their personalities continue to develop, it seems that Oliver, already a fantastic big brother, will be very tender towards his brother, particularly considering Bennett's needs.  We believe Oliver will also be a protective big brother to his vulnerable little brother.

And it also seems clear that Bennett, laid back and easy going, will look up to his big brother for guidance and companionship.  We hope that Bennett will teach Oliver what it means to be patient and live in the moment.

We hope to have other children.  And we know this will change the dynamic of our family, possibly even their brotherhood...

But for now, when I hear the dolphin calls within the walls of my house or during car rides, I hear God calling to me, "Trust me.  I am good.  I know best."

1 comment :

  1. I just love reading your innermost thoughts! You are so sweet and honest. Yes, those two are going to be VERY close, and I believe Oliver will be a very protective big brother. Your pictures are always so good, and I love to see them. Still praying for all of you! Love, Ms.Ann


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