23 January 2010

Breck's Thoughts: Blessings Poured Down

Life has returned to a normal similar to the one we knew before Bennett.  But, of course, it is enriched with our new little life who is growing up before our eyes.

And yet, the past three months are still seared on our memory.  I was curling my hair the other day in the bathroom.  Oliver was up on his little stool at the sink "brushing his teeth" (aka sucking water out of his toddler toothbrush) and Bennett was asleep on the mat I had laid down for him on the bathroom floor.  In the background played Oliver's toddler CD of children's Bible songs.

It's easy to get lost on your thoughts when you're doing something as mundane and repetitive as curling your hair, so it's no surprise that I began daydreaming a series of consecutive thoughts:
who I needed to email back...including our friend Anne...Anne's co-worker Joe who sent us a sweet note...all the kind friends we have who have come out recently to support us over the last few months...all of the cards and gifts we have received as tangible signs of their I am, so blessed.

And then, the thought...

I am truly one of the most fortunate people in the world. 

The other day, I walked past a framed piece of art in the Christian bookstore that said, "Jesus learned obedience in the wilderness."  These words popped off the framed picture.

I felt like it could have said, "Breck is learning obedience in the wilderness."  Or even, "Breck is learning the depth of God's love in the wilderness."

I would never never never wish to again experience what we have with Cystic Fibrosis.  And with all of my heart, I wish that God would take CF away from us.  No mother wants to see her child live his life suffering.

But deep within me, I know that it is through this suffering and pain that I have been able to experience God's love in a way I never would otherwise.

The massive amount of people who have come out to offer their help is absolutely overwhelming...  People like the couple, who we've yet to be able to personally thank, who purchased us a freezer right after Bennett's birth so we could keep my pumped milk and the frozen meals we were being given...
People like the couple, who for three months, made sure our lawn was cut so we did not have to worry about such meaningless things...
People like the young woman, who I hardly know and I haven't seen in years and doesn't know Bennett but yet found me on Facebook a week ago and donated money in Bennett's name to help find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis.
People who gave us gas cards, gift cards to fast food restaurants and written notes of sympathy...
People who gave us grace with school papers, deadlines and overdue work projects...
People who offer us a space to laugh as well as cry.

The ocean is not deep enough and wide enough to hold all of the love we received.  It is overwhelming.

I'm tempted to say I'm thankful for CF.  But, let's be honest, I'm not necessary thankful for a disease that will slowly crush my child's lungs, making it impossible for him to breathe.

But I can say that, as Thessalonians 5:18 says "Be thankful in all things," I am thankful for the wilderness that I have been placed in.... 

...because, regardless of how I got to the wilderness, I am confidence that I am more blessed now than when I entered it.

1 comment :

  1. What a great post, Breck. It reminds me of our pastor's sermon from last week. He talked about Haiti and God allows bad things to happen. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes adversity to bring us closer to God. It's difficult situations like Haiti, or Bennett's battle with CF that allow you to grow closer to Him and set an example for others. I think it's wonderful how you have come to see the good in something so difficult. What a blessing.


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