19 November 2009

Cook Hospital Day 7 - Update 2:11am

This update is written by Breck as Brian has returned home to continue school work for now.

The doctor has been called.  The feedings have stopped.  Bennett is finally calm again.  My eyes are finally dry.

The nurses are readying the IV fluid. Bennett will continue on an IV until morning.  The doctor said he'll be in then and will come up with a whole new plan. 

Today had been going great.  What happened??

All that we know is that Bennett's feeds were increased by 15ml during his 6pm feeding.  The night, as not uncommon, began spiraling out of control after that.  For nearly 3 hours, Bennett thrashed in pain.

The nurse saw it.  She had seen a calm and peaceful baby during her shift last night.  And now, she was witness to the excruciating pain he was in shortly after a feed.

The feeding had finished hours ago and it was almost time to begin another one.  It was difficult for us both to watch but we knew Bennett needed to be fed.  We agreed that we would continue Bennett's normal feeding regime as usual...a regime we knew he could handle.

But, I explained, if this painful episode began again, I would have to have a break.  I could not do it again.  I would have to hand him over to the nurses.

How could I do that?  Aren't I supposed to stop the pain?....Maybe, I thought, it's best for Bennett if I just let him get his feed, despite the pain.  Past daily conversations from doctors and nurses squirled in my head: "his stomach needs to stretch", "we don't necessarily know why baby's cry", "the Ph Test is negative and he's on mylicon so reflux and gas shouldn't be his problem", "you may just have a fussy baby"...

I began to think of Bennett's little ribs - how I can feel them when I burp him.  "He's starving" I thought earlier today.  "I must feed him.  He must be fed or he will die."

We began the next feeding and almost immediately Bennett's torturous tantrums began.  Within a few minutes I was beside myself and I requested my nurse: "I can't do it. You'll have to take him."

She sweetly said, "I understand.  We'll take care of him for you" and she closed the door.  I could hear him svreaming outside my room.  I called Brian.  I needed comfort.

Only 15 minutes later, the nurse returned with Bennett who was still in rage over his pain.  She very calmly said, "let me explain the situation..." 

The situation included that the feeds had been stopped, the GI doctor had been called in the middle of the night and IV fluids were being started. 

The nurse said, "something is wrong with Bennett and we aren't going to continue to put him through this."

Validation.  She saw it.  The GI doctor is getting it.

Something is very wrong.


  1. Sweet Mama Bear, you've tried so hard to make the nurses understand. How I hate that Bennett had to be in such pain yet again, but how thankful I am that the nurse finally comprehends that you are NOT an overanxious mother who is being difficult to deal with. Your heart is breaking over the agony Bennett endures day after day. Oh how I pray that God will enlighten Bennett's doctors with His Wisdom so that they will be able to diagnose this problem and find relief for this precious Little One. This morning as I read, I hear, "Jesus loves me, this I know; for the Bible tells me so. Little Ones to Him belong; they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me; Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me; the Bible tells me so," in my heart.

    I'm going to sing it again - but instead of "me", I'm going to sing it over and over and over again with "Bennett", and "Breck" and "Brian" and "Oliver".

    My mind cannot fathom the depth of agony you and your family are enduring. If I could, I would take some of your burden and carry it for you - not because I enjoy emotional pain, but because I sense you are at a point beyond your strength. All I have to give you are my prayers which I humbly lift. <>< Mrs. Marsha

  2. Breck,

    I have nothing to offer than can add to Mrs. Marsha's beautiful words. Know that we are and will be praying for all of you, and for wisdom for Bennett's physicians.


  3. Breck, I hope you get some answers soon and your sweet baby boy will be happy once again. I am glad they now see hwat you have been talking about and will try to get more answers for you very soon. I am so sorry you, Brian and Bennett all have to go through this. I am sure it is very tough to see your little one in so much pain. And I hope they figure it out soon so you can return home to Oliver once again.


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