17 November 2009

Breck's Thoughts: Becoming

It's funny how God uses challenges to deliver to us good things.   As painful as today was, I actually consider it a blessing. 

Bennett didn't much feel like mine for the first 38 days of his life in the NICU as he was primarily cared for by someone else.  The four days Bennett was home was exciting but since Bennett was not feeling well, it was exhausting.  In addition, I was just learning how to care for him: all of his medications, CF breathing treatments and bolus feedings.

So, it has really been here at the Cook Children's that I have more fully felt that I am Bennett's mom.  I am finally coming to terms with what it means to care for Bennett (accepting the ileostomy, hospitalizations, his future and all). 

And I think today was one of those "how I became a momma" days.  After today's breakdown and gathering up of strength, I became incredibly empowered to fight for my son.  Through this, I have taken more ownership of his well-being...not just physically but in every way.

There is no "committment ceremony" (like for marriage) when you have a child.  However, I might argue that, today, I said my vows.

Bennett, I have accepted that I am your caregiver.  Now, I am accepting that I am your voice.

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