23 October 2009

Breck's Thoughts: Dude, where is my car?!?

Alot has been going on during the last few days.  More and more conversations with medical personnel are taking place in the hallways and at Bennett's bedside regarding his soon-to-be discharge.  Dr. Guo recently explained Bennett is about 7-10 days from discharge.

While I would have assumed that I would be overwhelmed with excitement to bring our little guy home, I am surprised that my chief emotion right now is fear.

We were just getting used to this new normal.  I finally started to feel like I could handle this.  I was actually starting to find joy in it.   But this new normal would not last long.  Now, things are changing...and quickly.

Yesterday, Dr. Guo asked that Brian and I spend as much time at the hospital as possible.  She said that before Bennett leaves:
* We must be competent at changing and draining his ileostomy bag and Bennett's breathing treatments.
* Bennett must be nursing well and thriving.
* Supplies such as Bennett's nebulizer and necessary medications must be ordered and ready.
* Follow up doctors appointments with the CF clinic, Bennett's pedatrician and the Scott and White Surgical team must be set. 
* And we will need to spend at least 1 or 2 nights at the hospital all by ourselves caring for Bennett under the care of the NICU nurses.

This list does not include my own list of things-to-do-before-Bennett-comes" such as preparing Bennett's room/a cabinet in the kitchen for new supplies, reading more indepth about Cystic Fibrosis, following up leads about how to handle the additional costs of Bennett's CF care and planning how I will juggle providing my newborn with around the clock feedings and 30 minute breathing treatments every 6 hours in the midst of keeping up with a very active toddler.

In many ways, I can't wait until Bennett is home.  But, the reality is that Bennett will not come home a well baby.  He will come home with special needs we would have never anticipated three weeks ago.

When Bennett comes home, we will be able to better enjoy this new little life given to us.  But we will also be keenly aware of the new life we will be required to step into.  And that is scary.

The best way to describe how we are dealing with of this change is the fact that:
We have lost our car in the hospital's very small front parking lot no less than 3 times. 

First, we were frustrated with ourselves..."how does one lose their car when they got out of it less than an hour ago??"  Then, we were amused..."did we not even bother to pay attention to where we were when we walked a few hundred yards to the hospital entrance?"  Eventually, we accepted it..."we cannot think straight anymore.  we simply cannot remember."

The bottom line is when stress, emotional drain and significant change occurs within in a short amount of time, your brain spends it's energy on keeping you going...not on remembering your car. 

Needless to say, we are in triage mode, dealing with that which is necessary and having to ignore the rest.  

But we're making it.  We're living life day by day, hour by hour.
We know things will get better.
Bennett is coming home and that's wonderful!
 ...besides, we know we will, eventually, find our car.


  1. Phyllis Gamel RiceOctober 23, 2009 at 8:50 PM

    Hi Brian I have enjoyed reading your blog. I have cryed and laughed at the same time. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Your papaw would be so proud of you. You have a beautiful son. God will give you and your wife strength to do what you need to do. God Bless and take care.

  2. Breck - You make me laugh! I'm so glad you can find the humor in some of this. You have to be able to laugh. Laughter heals the soul and can help you overcome the fear. Do not be afraid - God will help you every step of the way.

    We love you!!!


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