12 June 2011

Senior Year

Our stay at the Feeding Clinic has felt a bit like high school. Our first week, our freshman year, was equally unfamiliar and interesting.

Our second week, our sophomore year, was the most comfortable time here. We had settled in and now knew the routine.

Our third week became our hardest. The first two weeks of stress and little sleep began catching up to us just as we began to see the end in sight and long for home.

Our last week, this week, has felt like our senior year. All of the sudden, the discussions of what it's going to be like "when we get out" are now becoming practical conversations. And thoughts of returning home are both exhilarating and nerve-wrecking.

It's a bittersweet feeling to be done with the program. We are SO ready to be home...back to our own little corner of the world. To our own couch. Our own kitchen. Our own bathroom. It will be nice to have more control over our lives and live more freely than when we do at the hospital.

But it's also really anxiety-producing, the thought of going home.  As much as I want to have more time alone, I'm afraid to do this all on my own.  We no longer will have the scaffolded support system of a team of experts to help us monitor Bennett.  We will loose all of the extra hands that have helped make this situation work so well!

Today felt like my last week of my senior year in high school.  Comments like, "I guess I won't see you guys again since ya'll won't be here next weekend" have come up.  Or "we're gonna miss you."  And, "this is our last time to do this."

It just hit me tonight that it's really almost over.  Now, my thoughts are on any last necessary conversations with the important people here and on the logistics of how we're gonna make it home with all of our stuff.

I was able to go home for a short time this weekend.  It was really nice.  It didn't provide me much opportunity to rest but it did give me an opportunity to organize the house in order to make room for the feeding protocol we will follow four times a day starting Tuesday.

I'm ready to leave the hospital.  It was a much better stay than I expected but it is a hospital.  I'm not ready for the hard work it will take to continue Bennett's success here at home.  But I'll do it.  God will give us the strength as we need it. 

Ready or not, home, here we come!!

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